Jazzebrations!

sweetsemicolon:

Just because your son grew up to win the Heisman trophy does not give you the right to dictate what women should not be able to do with their bodies. The message of your ad seems to suggest that because your son, Tim Tebow, grew up to be a good football player that his life has some extra value, and that getting an abortion would have been a terrible not because you did not want one, but because your son is famous now.
What was right for you is not right for everyone. If I were immature, I would wish you another case of amoebic dysentery for trying to blindly further the anti-choice agenda, but I’m not, I’m a woman who respects the choice you made to keep your son (who you actively chose to conceive in the first place) and asks you to respect my choice to HAVE A CHOICE.

For anyone who doesn’t know what I’m referencing: Tim Tebow Super Bowl Ad Stirs Feminist Controversy

This can’t reflect my personal thoughts because I can’t give birth. I just wanted to add that CBS pulled an ad for a dating website for gay men but is going to let this run.

Dear Buttholes,

Hey, what’s up? Remember when you got on the bus together and were all, “excuse me, can one of you move so we can sit together [and chat bitchily about kind-hearted people we hate because we are dark sinners with hard black souls] (imagined subtext -ed.)?” Yeah, because I remember it

I got up and I was pissy about it. I reserve that right as someone who doesn’t like sitting next to people. I also reserve the right to passive-aggressively whine about it on the internet.

Anyway, I’m writing you to let you know that you will inevitably become the subject of some world-class stand up material. But here’s the thing, it’s going to be all metaphorical and stuff, so when you hear some really super handsome stand up comic who is really funny and awesome talking about the time he saw two ladies rape and murder an entire orphanage of disabled children, that’s you.

Love,

John

Hey, so remember that video I posted like 2 days ago or something? Yeah, I remember that too. Wasn’t it awesome? Especially those ninjas. I’d fuck all their brai… what? No. Anyway the first related video that pops up is a video for a Ryan Cabrera song. Remember him? Me neither. Wasn’t his hair awesome, though?

Hey guys, I know we’ve been getting the good end of the deal on the whole sexual inequity thing for a long time and so some of us are all, “why rock the boat?” Here’s why: for years fucking one’s way to the top was a real possibility for some women. In an era of complete sexual equality then, doesn’t it make sense that men will be able to fuck their way to the top?

I don’t wish to undermine any of the multitudinous other reasons to get rid of sexual inequity in this world. I’m just lazy, and would rather fuck my way to the top than earn my position through merit. So let’s do this together.

I was going to ask if the following situation makes me a bad person, but the answer is yes. Whatever.

I was watching Jersey Shore today and am not sure if I’m impressed or upset that MTV hasn’t handled the recent events in Haiti by sending Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino down there and titling the coverage “The Situation in Haiti.” I hate myself for thinking of that, but I also kind of laughed too. I’m going straight to hell.

What Mike fails to comment on, but I think is especially interesting here, is that the section from the wikipedia page cited notes that “at least a few of the elephants have been suspected to be drunk during their attacks.”

Submitted as food for thought.

michaelclair:

Just came across this on Wikipedia:

In India, male elephants attack villages at night, destroying homes and killing people regularly. In the Indian state of Jharkhand, 300 people were killed by elephants between 2000 and 2004, and in Assam, 239 people have been killed by elephants since 2001….At least a few elephants have been suspected to be drunk during their attacks.

And yet I always thought sharks were cooler than elephants? Fuck that. Elephants are like modern day Vikings as they tear through India drunk off their ass; rampaging homes whilelooking for sustinence and young virgins to feed their sick sexual needs.

Go Elephants!

Jay Reatard passed away last night. He was a really talented songwriter and musician despite his offensiveness and occasional assholity. The world lost a talent, and that’s what matters.

I fucking love musicals. I fucking love them. The form is the greatest American cultural achievement except maybe Jazz.

I also fucking love Green Day. I fucking love them. But their use of make up and over the top theatrics don’t make an enduring american artform as I see it. But don’t they think so.

This spring, a musical based on the Green Day album American Idiot will debut on Broadway. It will be produced by some guy who played a dweeb in Animal House. Cool.

But come on Green Day! Fucking come on. Seriously? You need to do this musical thing?

Green Day was at one point writing the best pop punk songs anyone was writing. I think that is a respectable art. But Billie Joe, Oscar Hammerstein II you are not. And collectively, gentlemen, you are no Richard Rodgers.

Basically, American Idiot was too big for a punk album. It is also too immature and underdeveloped for a full stage musical. The storylines are not particularly strong, and the songs seem to lack something to create truly moving dance numbers.

Anyway, Green Day, stop it. Stop it right now.

They’re all doing steroids. Stop it. They’re all on them, and we’re all tacitly supporting it. But it doesn’t matter. We will all continue to watch baseball if they stop hitting home runs as frequently. So Americans, stop being so pissy about athletes on drugs; and baseball players, stop thinking we’re ever going to stop watching you.

Remember High School? Me neither. It started a bazillion years ago or something for me. So today my brother made me go back to my alma mater to see some of my teachers again. Did you know that they’re allowed to take people that I never met before? That’s messed up! Some kid unapologetically bumped into me, like, acting tougher than me. Eff you. He also had a flip hair cut with the front part dyed blond. So now not only are there people younger than me that I’ve never met allowed in my High School (which as you’ll remember Marlon Brando was expelled from) but these younger people I’ve never met have been transported from 10 years ago.

The moral here is don’t go back to High School I guess, because High Schools all exist 10 years ago.

So as a recent College Graduate, I have been thinking about the worth of my education. I went to the college from which such greats as David Cross and P.T. Anderson dropped out, and Henry Winkler Graduated. Cool. That’s nice. But I just found out the most interesting connection to a famous person that I have. Marlon Brando was kicked out of my High School! Marlon “Sky Masterson” (Yeah, I went with Guys and Dolls before the Godfather and Apocalypse Now!, don’t judge me) Brando got kicked out of Sayville High School! Damn! Destined for Greatness I tells ya. Now to get retroactively kicked out.

So like, what the fuck is up with tumblr? This thing is weird. Anyway, I’m going to figure this shit out and I’ll get back to you.